Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
