At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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