I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
