Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
