In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
