shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
