I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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