I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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