who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I want to be your penis for a week.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
She made me pour olive oil on her.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
