I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize