got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
