i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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