I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
