I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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