dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
