just come out here and I will go home with you...
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
