Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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