roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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