Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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