My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
