I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
