ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
