Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize