ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
