but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
