Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
