and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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