I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize