Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize