just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
