I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
3pm strippers are depressing
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
