I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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