I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
