are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
