Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
