guys are not supposed to queef...right?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
