Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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