I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
