matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
