the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
