You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
