We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
