mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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