the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize