we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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