The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
