When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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