i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
