did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
We're too hungover to prance.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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