My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
