She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
