I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
