i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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