Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
