Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
