I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
