my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
too bad you live with your parents still
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize