do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
why does every cop we meet know your name?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
