You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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