Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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