Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
