Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
