i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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