Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
BRING THE BAGELS
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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