How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
