just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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