Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
