Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
