hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
