Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize