Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize