Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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