So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i would punch a child for taco bell
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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