ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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