I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Come on in and take your pants off
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