dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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