so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize