We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
