i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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