i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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