When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
