The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize