His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
