the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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