im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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