I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
