and you said cock pushups were impossible
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
