i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
