im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
